Overcoming People Pleasing & Breaking The Cycle

"I feel like I developed a strong resistance to please others, but now I feel like I am too clingy and

may even be pushing others away, which makes me feel self-isolated."

Part of learning to claim back your power by voicing your needs is setting boundaries and learning to say no. It can be empowering and even addictive because for once you feel validated and have the time to do all things you wanted to do.

However, effects of people-pleasing does not rub off so easily. It is now part of your coping mechanism which you have developed long time ago. When you develop a strong essence of anti-people-pleasing behaviour, it can at times feel self-isolating because you learned to love being on your own.

Being on your own ALL THE TIME has side effects such as clinginess, talking too much or desperation. This is a trace behaviour of people pleasing that gets embedded deep into your psyche.

This is because you still feel unheard and alone. And since this has been with you for so long, overcoming people-pleasing starts feeling like clinginess and desperation to be around other people. Common behaviour is fear of goodbyes, letting go of someone for short or longer periods of time, and even reverting back to fear of being alone. This often further develops into co-dependency or anxious attachment.

Breaking The Cycle

Now in order to heal your past wounds, you have to explore NEW ways that will help you feel heard, understood, and safe yet again.

These might be:

• Reflective Journal. Reflective writing is a tool which you can use to access your own emotions and learn new ways to work with them.

• Therapy. Going to a therapy can often be looked down upon, but to have a professional who can identify and explain the process that your body is physically going through and help you gain a new perspective can be a life-changing experience.

• Quality Relationships. These can either be new, or with people already around you. When you actively work on and have someone who can check in with you, even though you might not see them often, simply the presence of them being there for you can calm your nervous system and make you feel safe enough to heal.

• Creativity. Writing poetry, songs or creating art can be a form of self-expression. This can help validate your feelings, emotions, or even thoughts that may feel too heavy to carry sometimes.

The result of checking-in with yourself through these practices can enable you to not only rewire your brain but to really start making different choices in your life - choices that feel safe, nurturing and joyful. This often defined as breaking 'the cycle' or 'generational trauma'.

Now, tell me - have you experienced self-isolation before? If yes, give some love to this blog article and come say hi @moreselfloveclub. Would love to support you through your journey of self-love.

Your Coach and Founder of More Self Love Club,

Giedre Skeiryte